So my daughter has signed up for a Humanitarian trip to go built a schoolhouse in the mountains of Mexico. Why? Why can’t you go with the other kids to Europe and shop at Harrod's!? Waltz down the Louvres gnawing on a baguette, catch an Opera in Vienna or have tea in London, flirt with all the Italian stallions in Italy! you could even go examine DAVID'S crotch in Florence. (a Michelangelo reference). I would allow that!
Nope ,
she’s decided to save the world. I know I know…Isn’t this what I have spent the
last 16 years doing? Instilling values and compassion for others and giving back
to the less fortunate??? Shit, what was I thinking.
She will
be gone for 20 days and there will be no contact during that time as they have
no electricity or running water, so they definitely don’t have WIFI. * Breath Mama Breath* 20 days no
contact???? Are they insane!?
If I
panic, she will panic. I have to act like it’s no big deal, it will fly by. I
won’t even notice she’s gone. I won’t have to share the bathroom with her in
the morning. I can get ready on my own!!
I’m going to die without her, I can’t think about it without getting the shakes.
I’m going to die without her, I can’t think about it without getting the shakes.
Fast-forward
to departure day….
All the
families are at the airport. Taking pictures and joking about how hungry all
the kids are going to be living on black beans and corn tortillas. Hahahahahahahaha!
“It’s Not Funny”!!!! I’ve already pictured her gaunt and bony and shivering in a corner after she’s run out of the 12 meal replacement bars and the box of fruit roll ups I shoved into her backpack. The sugar in those should keep her alive for days.
It’s too soon to joke people!!!!
“It’s Not Funny”!!!! I’ve already pictured her gaunt and bony and shivering in a corner after she’s run out of the 12 meal replacement bars and the box of fruit roll ups I shoved into her backpack. The sugar in those should keep her alive for days.
It’s too soon to joke people!!!!
The kids
gather up their bags to leave and my heart sinks. What would it take at this
very moment to convince her to stay? A Car? Rhianna Concert Tickets? A car? I’m
desperate. What if this is the last time I see her? What if this was all the
time I was given with her and this was it. Grace wraps her arms around me and
tells me she loves me and that she will be ok…I can’t speak…literally…. I can’t
fall apart in front of her and the rest of the group. Have I blogged before
about my ugly cry? Ya…not good.
I watch her walk away and I instantly shut down. Grace? Grace who? I don’t know a Grace. If I pretend she doesn’t exist, then I can’t be sad. Yes, Yes…I know…It’s F&%#@! Up. But it kinda’ worked. Well, until day 15 anyways and then we heard from her:
I watch her walk away and I instantly shut down. Grace? Grace who? I don’t know a Grace. If I pretend she doesn’t exist, then I can’t be sad. Yes, Yes…I know…It’s F&%#@! Up. But it kinda’ worked. Well, until day 15 anyways and then we heard from her:
Hi guys!! It's grace, We just got wifi! We left the village today and we're now
at the most beautiful little hostel called gundi y
Tomas. The village was so amazing so I won't even start. Everything was amazing
except for me having bruised hips (literally) from sleeping on my wooden bed.
We made tamales and spent the day at the beach. I didn't think we would have wifi so I'm not even sure what to say to
you. This trip is the most amazing thing that I've ever done. I have never been
this happy and content. Everything about this trip has been so much more than I
could have wished for. I don't even know how this is real life. I can't wait to
tell you guys about it, I miss you guys and I love you so much❤❤
It was a
full-fledged funeral cry. I couldn’t wipe the tears away fast enough. Then
of course I responded in gibberish with something to the affect of " I
prayed you were happy and was scared you were cold at night and had a bad
pillow and then went into something about not having been breathing since she
was gone" which she of course, so sweetly responded, "aw Mama".
And then I imagined her turning to her friends and having a giggle-fest about how her Mom was having yet another breakdown.
So I have
since opened her door and gone in. It's been 18 days. I was greeted with a punch in face by the
most putrid smell! What in god's name!??
Well, hindsight is 20/20 and I
probably should have gone in after she left and removed her Macdonald's McFlurry we
bought her for her "Last taste of heaven" before she left for 3
weeks. #barf
Well, she
is finally coming home tomorrow and she has messaged us to let us know that for
supper tomorrow night, she would like her Dad to make " Steak. No rice!!
Never again, rice. With Kraft dinner. Oh and a poutine. And a hot dog. And cold juice".
I have cleaned her room and fluffed her pillows and most importantly charged her
phone and laptop as I'm sure she will be wearing out the keypads on her
return.
Has it
ever happened to you that you could see into the future?
And by future, I mean tomorrow at the airport when she arrives. Like, I know I will cause a scene.
I so desperately want to embrace her and have 1 tear trickle down my cheek. You know, classy-like not Sophie's choice like. But deep down I know it will involve the ugly cry and I swear I will do everything in my power to not drop to my knees. It's inevitable, I know I will embarrass her. So, I will do everything in my power to control myself.
Until I get to the car...
And by future, I mean tomorrow at the airport when she arrives. Like, I know I will cause a scene.
I so desperately want to embrace her and have 1 tear trickle down my cheek. You know, classy-like not Sophie's choice like. But deep down I know it will involve the ugly cry and I swear I will do everything in my power to not drop to my knees. It's inevitable, I know I will embarrass her. So, I will do everything in my power to control myself.
Until I get to the car...