My Guardian Angel Was A Teeny Bopper...

So back in 2004, I was raising my kids on my own after escaping the Militia. Sorry, I shouldn’t joke about that...It wasn’t the Militia, it was my ex-husband. But trust me, depending on the day and the way the wind blows, they can be confused. 

I had hightailed it out of my abusive marriage a year before and he had cut me off financially, in order to “smoke me out” he said. Make me “come to my senses” and “get the hell back home where I belong”. I had no money and I was broken. My brother in law let me stay in his townhouse that was available at the time in Ontario. I was still on maternity leave and had to make the decision to go back to work in Montreal. It was a crazy year of driving and white knuckling the steering wheel while driving through snowstorms with 2 little kids every single day.  

One of my best friends called me and told me that he felt I had to come back to Montreal, back where they could help me more and be a support system to me. He found me a place to live. It wasn’t cheap and would most likely gobble up all my paycheck, but it was worth it in, my mind, to be close to them. We moved into this house in a nice area. We were on the bottom floor of a duplex. It had nice wood floors and freshly painted walls that were this beautiful butter yellow and the kids would have their own big rooms. I, on the other hand, had to turn the front porch into a bedroom for myself. It was right on the road! Oh yes, it was interesting to say the least. If anyone tried to come in the front door while I was sleeping, they would be joining me under the sheets. I’m not gonna lie, I could have run a very profitable little business right off the street into my boudoir, but I didn’t. I’m just kidding! But am I? Oh, hell yes. I had a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old, no energy and a pot belly to deter me from doing that. So, unfortunately, being a hooch would have to go on the back burner for the time being. 

You’d think that being back home, back at work and having a regular schedule would have been good for me. Structure, right? Sadly, I kept sinking deeper and deeper into a depression. I would put the kids to bed right after supper in order to fall apart. I knew I had to get into therapy and fast. But how? My friends already helped me so much. How could I ask them to watch the kids again while I try and fix myself? Maybe someone knew a good babysitter? 

Oh, sweet Kayla, I think back now, and wonder was going on in your head and what you were thinking all those years ago when you came into my house to watch the kids for me. What kind of a mess was I? I never thought about it until now because you were always so sweet and so accepting and nothing was ever a problem for you. Well...not nothing really. Barf and mice were a problem, but I will get to that later. 

I explained to you that Jack made lots of noise while he slept and that unless he called out for her, she should just leave him and listen for him on the monitor. The kids were asleep, and she could just watch TV. I came home 2 hours later and walked in the house and into the leaving room. Kayla was lying on the couch and Jack was fast asleep on her chest and they were cuddled under a blanket. I stood in the doorway and looked at her with my swollen raccoon eyes (yes, it was a good session) and thought, if I had any tears left, they would be rolling down my cheeks. I knew right away how special she was. That was the beginning of my relationship with Kayla and where my journey to getting help for all my scars began.  

  

She came to the house every week and the kids quickly fell in love with her. We would have great talks and would always laugh about the upstairs neighbor and wondered if she was in a marching band and held their practice there or if the TLC show My 600lbs life was being filmed upstairs. It was brutal! 

Once I started to feel better and the meds kicked in, I was ready to get in shape. A friend of mine was using a personal trainer, let's call him Satan, and she said that I could join the group. Kayla offered to come and watch the kids while I “worked out”. No, this wasn’t working out. This was bullshit. Do you know what a burpee is?! These are no laughing matter. They should have been called barfees! Have you ever worked out before while gagging? Do you have any idea what that looks like!? I have flashbacks to this day. He’s standing over me yelling at me to do a pushup. “Lift yourself off the ground”! “Come on! Higher''! Higher? Please keep in mind that my arms are completely extended at this point! I’m higher than a tree planter in B.C! Poor guy, when he saw this his face dropped. He realized I was ‘up’ and what remained on the ground, without effort, was my stomach and boobs. Our eyes lock, Fu@%ker! To this day we have a love hate relationship. 

Then out comes the Kettle Bell. Kettle Ball? Kettle Bomb? Whatever it was, I still to this day get a twitch when I see one. That finished me off. I was seeing stars. And not the good kind like back in college when...uh, maybe I’ll save that one for another blog. So, ya, stars. I tapped out and quickly realized that I couldn’t walk. I mean, I actually couldn’t walk. What the f#@k was I going to do? I had the kids and the babysitter, and I had to somehow get them home. Panic set in. 

All I remember was me staggering over to Kayla and seeing her face drop in horror at the sight of me. I looked like I had been lost in the desert for weeks. Parched, cracked lips, sweaty and as red as a tomato. Do you have a visual? Good, now add to that visual. Add in some intermittent heaving. There was no question in my mind, she was ‘shook’. I was barely able to get the words out.  “Kayla, I know this sounds scary and you are only 16 years old and don’t have a license but I’m going to need you to drive this car with us in it home”. If you knew her you can now just imagine her big eyes looking up at me terrified. Her sweet little voice saying “But I can’t. I don’t know how to drive”.  

Don’t worry! I didn’t make her drive, but we did have to stay put for a very long time for me to catch my breath, rehydrate and crush back a half a dozen Tylenol. 

Kayla became my saviour through the years. With her, I was able to have those moments to seek help, fall apart, get together with friends for grown up time and later, through the years even go on some terrible dates.  

I have so many amazing memories of Kayla but there are two memories of her that we still talk about and have a good laugh. I went to Ottawa for the day to meet my boyfriend's parents (BK- *before Kev). I got this panicked phone call and I excused myself from the dinner table. By the sound of her voice I thought something terrible had happened to one of the kids...She was in a full panic and in tears. She would get a few words out and then she would let out this high-pitched scream. When she was finally able to get her words out, she said “There’s... a ...mouse in... your ...house! And we just trapped it in your bedroom”!  Oh, wait, what!!? Seriously!? Shit, thanks a lot!!!!  

She was hyperventilating and all 3 of them were standing on top of the couch and the kids were crying so loudly in the background mixing with Kayla’s heavy breathing over the phone. All I could do was laugh. Please note, that I did NOT sleep in my room for weeks and when I did go in for clothes, it was on my tiptoes squealing. I sounded like Mariah Carey hitting those high notes. 

Another one for the books was this one time that Kayla was watching the kids and Jack came down with the stomach flu. She called to tell me that he was sick and so I came home right away. When I pulled up into the driveway she was sitting on the front steps with Grace and Jack. I walked up to them and asked what they were doing outside? Kayla just looked at me and said “Ummm, we needed fresh air”. I walked into the house and stopped dead. What I saw looked like a quadruple homicide had taken place in the house. There were blankets and towels covering mounds of god knows what all over the floor scattered throughout the house. Kayla walked in behind me with half her face inside her sweater, looked up at me and said 

 “I’m so sorry, I just can’t do barf, so I just covered it up every time he was sick”! We laughed for years over that and thankfully, Kayla and the stomach flu weren’t ever in the house again at the same time. 

Kayla started to date and to ‘get a life’...a social life, a boyfriend and all things that kept her busy and not always available to babysit as often as she used to.  

Sooooo, we tried a new babysitter. Uh, so, I’d like to take this opportunity, if you are reading this *unnamed babysitter*  

“I am SO sorry for how my children treated you. Spitting in your face and kicking you in the shins and screaming repeatedly in your face “we want Kayla” was wrong and I DID punish them for it”. 

Kayla is now a new Mom and we still keep in touch. I have watched her grow up over the years and she has watched me heal. I will never be able to thank her enough for her support and love for me and my children.  

Guardian angels come in all forms. Mine just happened to be a Teeny Bopper. 

Is Pole Dancing In My Future?

I have spent the last 15 years sore and tired. Literally. When I tell you that I have been to every type of doctor and tried every gimmick in the hopes of getting my life back I would not be exaggerating.

As bad as the fatigue was or the weight gain and swelling or the lack of energy, dealing with Fibromyalgia was the worst of it. I had chronic pain and was suffering with depression…All the time. Silently most days.

Walking a short distance was like dragging my body through a desert. I haven’t been able to exercise at all and don’t “move” much anymore. When a friend of mine started telling me about these vitamin thingies, a shake and a patch there was a heavy eye roll as yet another pyramid product was out there and to me, another let down for something that didn’t work.

What got me was her saying “It gives me too much energy so I had to cut the shake in half”. 
Too much energy!??? Is that like too much sunshine? Too much money??

She got me…my interest was piqued. I’m in the market for too much energy.

My box of product arrived and I ripped that sucker open and laid it out on the counter for the next morning. I was scared to get my hopes up. It sounds dramatic but I no longer felt like I was living. I might live to be 80 but I felt like I was slowly dying. Every movement and getting out of bed took everything in me to do.

I woke up in the morning and took the 2 pills (vitamin thingies) waited 20 minutes and mixed the shake with water and then slapped on my patch. I ordered the supped up patches that have a mood enhancer. Your welcome family ;)  I didn’t expect to feel any different right away as these things probably take time, if ever. I'm such a skeptic. It was a matter of hours when I realized that I was walking normally. I forgot what that felt like. Nothing hurt. I tried not to cry as I didn’t want this to go away. 

Day 3 I felt alive again. I have energy, my body doesn’t hurt and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. 

Day 5 my husband just laughs at me…”Who are you”?

Day 10 which was a Sunday, my only day off. Usually, I wake up, drag my ass to the living room, crawl into the corner of the couch with a big blanket, and shut down. I sip tea and watch trash on TV with all the intentions to clean, do laundry, groceries and prep for the week and perhaps, even put on pants. That never happens. This time, I woke up before the dogs and jumped in the shower. I put pants on, went out to breakfast and then shopping, and came home to cook a big batch of sauce to freeze. Wait, what?

Day 12 I’m a believer. Don’t ask me the science behind it! You can read about that and make your own interpretation. I have always known that I was deficient in vitamins and minerals but hated the 50 bottles of supplements I had to store and more importantly to remember when to take them. Which I never did! Hence, the shut down and ‘Pant less Sundays’. I'm sure it's a thing and I didn't make it up.

My biggest revelation? I haven’t been sad since I started on this. I wasn't always sad about anything in particular. Just life. It's been a tough one. I've lost a lot in the last year and yet...I'm good. Who would of thought? 

I have 2 jobs, 2 dogs, 2 kids and a husband and no extra time on my hands, so I won’t be filling my social media trying to get you all to join me but if you are curious click the link below. I don’t have a group page but if you order, I get credits towards my purchase. And if you get friends to join, you get free stuff too.  Ah! I see the pyramid playing out in my head now. Did I mention I am blonde AND tired? #deadlycombination
So that’s it! I actually have no clue what is in this stuff and should probably educate myself! I will get on that right away.

It’s expensive as hell (considering I'm a cheap ass) and I may need to start stripping to pay for it but at least I will have the energy to swing around the pole.

Wanna Thrive? Jo's LE-VEL link