Never trust a Seared Tuna...

  I’ve spent the last 2 days convincing myself that I in fact DID NOT drink too much at my Christmas party on the weekend. It had to be the fancy uncooked Tuna or the smoked salmon that came in a fancy little boat shaped bowl. Ya, it had to be that. I was so careful…so controlled. I only had 2 drinks. Yes, they were in a very large ‘Red Solo’ cup but I only had 2! And when those JELL-O shots came around, I only took 1. Then the Sean Penn look alike dude handed me a Vodka shot…well…What was I supposed to do!?! It was Sean Penn! He could have been handing me turpentine and I would have drank it. I’m convinced people thought I was swaying to the music and not desperately trying to stay on my feet. It has to be food poisoning! I remember looking up into my boyfriend’s eyes and saying ‘oh no…. oh no… How did this happen"? I was so dizzy. Are my eyes crossing? ABORT! ABORT! We needed to get the hell out of here and quick.

We said our goodbyes, quickly and headed out the front door. He held my hand tightly, he didn’t have a choice, I would have fallen off the curb. Is he giggling? He’s giggling. Now he is talking to me like I’m fragile. “Did you have a good time baby”? More giggling. "Screw you! I didn’t drink too much, it was the seared Tuna!!!

We arrived at our car. It was like a mirage in the distance and I couldn’t wait to crawl in. Finally, we are on our way home!  I crack open the window a little and let the cool breeze brush across my face.
Whoa!! Are we in a street race??!! Are we dragging?? I have zero control on my neck. I’m a bobble head. He literally cannot stop giggling. He’s enjoying this way too much.

I get home and flop into bed. I need this night to end. I lay there while thoughts of the night play through my mind. Omg…I bet I was roofied! By Sean Penn!!! I can’t wait to tell my friends!  Now I’m definitely dreaming. Maybe even delirious. Go to sleep. Just leave your eyes slightly cracked open so the room stops spinning….and keep both feet on the floor. Do you have any idea what that looks like? Stop, don’t picture it, it’s not pretty.

I wake up the next morning and I’ve definitely been poisoned…by myself. Did I think I was 19 again? Jell-O shots? I’m such a Fool.